I try to avoid the mawkish cards. It’s too easy to dribble into the ridiculous with a gushy sentimental card – then you look insincere. There’s nothing wrong with a simple “Happy Mother’s Day”. But my personal favourite is “Clearly, you are the most perfect Mum ever! How else could I have turned out so wonderful? Happy Mother’s Day, Mum.”
Some of the best Mother’s Day cards are handmade, but you can easily personalise a nice card by writing your own message. Here are some amusing lines to use if you need some inspiration:
A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.
– Tenneva Jorda
A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.
– Peter De Vries
Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.
– Lisa Alther
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
– Phyllis Diller
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.
Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.
It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.
– Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
On Mother’s Day, I have written a poem for you. In the interest of poetic economy and truth, I have succeeded in concentrating my deepest feelings and beliefs into two perfectly crafted lines: You’re my mother, I would have no other!
– Forest Houtenschil
Children are a great comfort in your old age – and they help you reach it faster, too.
– Lionel Kauffman
It is never easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.
Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
– Sam Levenson
Sing out loud in the car even, or especially, if it embarrasses your children.
– Marilyn Penland
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
– Red Buttons
Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.
– William Feather, The Business of Life, 1949
“If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?”
“When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.”
“Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.”
If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says ‘keep away from children’
Whether you choose a store-bought card* or a home-made, don’t forget 12th May!