At 14 years old, I felt confused and lonely. I suffered a negative self-image that stemmed from feelings of inadequacy. It didn’t matter that my grades were excellent, or that I excelled at athletics, gym and debating. Regardless of my achievements, I felt I wasn’t good enough.

I was at an all-girls private school and the environment was fiercely competitive. To be noticed, you had to stand out, and I found the pressure overwhelming. I internalised my anxiety and my self esteem eroded. Self loathing replaced my once happy disposition. As I spiralled into a pattern of dangerous dieting my thoughts became destructive: “You’re fat. You’re a failure. You’ll never amount to anything.” Anorexia consumed me and I struggled through this lonely, miserable existence for the next three years.

No matter how scared felt, or how much I wanted it all to stop, I couldn’t let myself. This is the danger of anorexia. The stronger part of me pushed my body to the extreme with hateful thoughts, the weaker part begged me to eat. But that would have felt like failing. And so the anorexia won.

Watching my friends planning for university, going to parties and dating, hurt deeply. Their lives were moving forward and mine had stagnated. I started to hate my anorexia for everything it had taken from me. It ruined my relationships, snatched my future and was intent on destroying me from the inside out. I had a sudden urge to beat it which propelled me into recovery. This was my turning point.

The process of recovering from my eating disorder was all consuming. It was a constant, conscious effort where I had to monitor my thoughts and if there was a negative one, I’d need to catch it in the moment and turn it into a positive. I continually repeated affirmations, trying to drown out the negative, destructive voice in my head. I had lapses and relapses, but my unfailing determination to beat my anorexia prevailed.

With the help of a therapist, I worked through my internal pain and slowly began to turn things around. It was a difficult process because I had to let go of what felt safe and familiar – the eating disorder – and deal with the fear not knowing who I would be without it.

Recovery is a long term process and it wasn’t until my early twenties that I could eat without feeling guilty, wake up without mentally calculating calories and stop placing my self worth on my weight. I had learned to love myself, nurture myself, and I truly believed I deserved to live with happiness and inner peace, and create a wonderful life.

Through recovery I learned the power of intuition. That if I listened to my inner self – I call it ‘the voice that speaks from my heart’ – I could choose the path that resonated and not be afraid of where it would take me. This process taught me how to trust myself and importantly, believe in myself.

Post recovery, I enjoyed many years of blissful happiness, making up for the years I’d lost to anorexia. I worked hard in my chosen field, travelled the world, enjoyed wonderful experiences with friends and fell in love and married.

When I fell pregnant, it should have been another celebration of life’s gifts. Many people who suffer anorexia have difficulty conceiving, and some are unable to. But instead, I felt terrified. My body was going to change and there was nothing I could do about it.

Since recovering from anorexia, my weight had been the same for years. I enjoyed a healthy lifestyle and felt genuinely happy with my body and within myself.

But suddenly all of that was about to change. I had no idea what to expect; all I knew was my body would never be the same again. I started to experience a myriad of fears: what if I can’t lose the pregnancy weight? What about stretch marks and cellulite? Is the skin around my stomach going to permanently sag?

The day I couldn’t fit into my favourite pair of jeans was one of the most confronting. I felt paralysed by panic and couldn’t stop crying. I tried to focus on the life growing inside me and how amazing that was. After hours of soul searching, I decided to be pragmatic about the situation and visit a maternity shop.

I felt excited about my new pregnancy clothes … until someone said to me ‘look how fat you are’. I wanted to say ‘I’m not fat I’m pregnant’ but that confidence evaded me. The second I was alone, I cried hysterically. ‘You’re fat’ is the worst thing anyone can say to someone who once suffered anorexia.

That one comment was enough to trigger a barrage of negative thoughts and emotions, and although outwardly I appeared happy and together, inside I felt terrified about gaining weight and what my body would look like after the baby was born. I had trouble looking at myself in the mirror. When I ran my hands over my swollen belly to try to connect with the growing being inside, I felt sick with fear.

I started to fantasise about my past anorexic behaviours. Suddenly going back there seemed like the easiest solution. The thought of regaining control over my body excited me. I started to eat less, citing feeling sick as an excuse. But it didn’t bring me any peace. Instead I was plagued with guilt and shame.

I decided to revisit the reasons I ditched anorexia all those years ago. I thought about how happy I’d been when I recovered, how much joy I’d derived from life. And again, I had a choice – to embrace my pregnancy and trust that my body would do what it had to do to produce a healthy baby. Or fight it and risk the health and wellbeing of myself and my unborn child.

So I made the decision to look deeply, turn my fear and uncertainty around, and trust the process.

One of the things that helped me was a magnet that came with an item of maternity wear. It simply said: “Yes you look beautiful”. I looked at this often, reminding myself that my body was beautiful, and that I too was beautiful on the inside. I developed affirmations associated with loving and nurturing myself so that my baby would be healthy. I reminded myself of the importance of listening to the voice that speaks from my heart. I made sure I exercised in moderation to foster a positive body image. I chose to focus on the wonder of my body growing a human being, instead of incessantly worrying about the way I looked. I shifted my focus to the things that brought me joy, planning for the baby, decorating the nursery, reading pregnancy books and combing through baby names on the internet.

Years of therapy during recovery from anorexia taught me that only I had the power to change the way I thought, and it was up to me to create the experience I wanted.

I had to trust myself, trust my body and draw on my inner strength.

I became vigilant about monitoring my thoughts and feelings that were connected with my body and weight gain. I gave myself permission to just ‘be’ during the first six weeks after the baby was born, and promised myself that after the six week check up, I’d develop a routine that included time for exercise.

Allowing myself this six week sabbatical took so much pressure away. I planned to lose the weight in moderation and without a self-imposed deadline. I simply decided to try on my favourite pair of jeans the same time every week, knowing that one day I would fit into them again.

That day happened five months after my son was born. I felt proud of myself for not succumbing to the pressure to lose my pregnancy weight as quickly as possible. Being honest with myself and identifying my triggers throughout pregnancy and beyond, and turning them around, enriched the experience so that it became profound and positive.

I encourage any woman suffering anxieties about pregnancy weight gain to revisit the amazing process of creating a life, and listen to the voice that speaks from their heart. Remember that pregnancy is a profound experience and you are playing a leading role in the miracle of life. That is to be celebrated.

About The Author:

Following a successful career in marketing, Melinda Hutchings made the bold decision to move on from her corporate role and focus on becoming a writer in order to use her knowledge and personal experience to help young people believe in themselves.

Having lost her teenage years to anorexia, Melinda is passionate about promoting positive body image as well as empowering young people to trust the voice that speaks from their heart to create a happy and fulfilling future. Melinda is a valued member of the Professional Suppor Panel.  You can ask advice and read more in the Family Forums

This is a question I hear very often. This is a question I have asked myself many times! Many people wonder why there is not much focus on perinatal depression during the antenatal classes, when it is such a common illness.

Having run my workshop a few times now on “emotional preparation for parenthood” I can now see that it is a very finely tuned skill to educate parents on how this massive transition might feel like, without freaking them out at the same time! I think it would take some quite intense training for hospital staff in order to deliver information in a sensitive and balanced manner on peri natal depression and the transition to parenthood in general.

So perhaps the hospital educators have little time, the big institutions not enough money and tradition not enough incentive to create change in the way things are done.

I also think there is an element of denial. Perhaps women think “post natal depression won’t happen to me “or “I’ll deal with that later if it happens”. Some experts say women do not want to hear about peri natal depression or emotional issues, they are more interested in the labour and birth- other studies say yes they do want to hear about it, but in a dedicated forum and perhaps at a time when they are less focussed on the birth.

A recent study has shown that parents, who have been given information and support to help them prepare for the challenges of having a new baby, were more likely to seek help, felt more competent and had less depression than those who did not have the information and support.

About The Author:

Dr Melanie Strang - Professional Support Advisor - Mummy & Baby Health  

Melanie is a medical doctor who completed her medical degree at the University of NSW in Sydney. She has always had an interest in mental health and after completing her internship, worked in acute psychiatry and community psychiatry. She then developed an interest in public health and spent some time working for the Health Department looking after the public health response to Meningococcal disease. www.wellmumwellbaby.net.au

Be flexible: It is common for mums to struggle with coming to terms with what they planned versus what reality serves up. For example you may have planned to return to work by 3 months yet circumstances change when bub arrives.

Don’t believe the hype: The media portrays a romanticized version of motherhood: Understand that life with a young baby does not look like a Huggies ad! There are amazing moments of joy and bonding yet this is mixed with plenty of dirty nappies, hard work and acclimatising to this massive transition.

Love takes time: Bonding with your baby may not happen immediately: It is normal for bonding to occur over a period of weeks to months. If a baby has a medical illness bonding may take longer- this may not be in line with your expectations but it’s ok.

It ok to be sad: There are many losses associated with motherhood: Having a baby is a time of wonderment and joy but acknowledging the losses will help you move forward-you are now a different version of yourself.

There are no rights and wrongs: No one bit of advice or parenting book will have all the magic answers- you and your baby are a unique pair to be understood in your own right.

About The Author:

Dr Melanie Strang - Professional Support Advisor - Mummy & Baby Health  

Melanie is a medical doctor who completed her medical degree at the University of NSW in Sydney. She has always had an interest in mental health and after completing her internship, worked in acute psychiatry and community psychiatry. She then developed an interest in public health and spent some time working for the Health Department looking after the public health response to Meningococcal disease. www.wellmumwellbaby.net.au

What Is PCOS?

Dr Raewyn Teirney

PCOS is the most common hormone problem among women in the fertile age group, and accounts for a significant proportion of visits to a fertility doctor like myself. It’s frustrating especially when they are trying to get pregnant.

In fact 6-8% of women worldwide are affected with PCOS, so don’t think you’re the only person in the world with this, there are many others.

Other names for it are Syndrome X, and Metabolic Syndrome.

It is characterized by increased male hormones in the bloodstream, causing menstrual problems and skin problems, and the ovaries have multiple tiny cysts which are a result of immature follicles that did not grow and release an egg

Here are some of the following features below that you may have as a consequence.

• Menstrual cycle disturbances such as irregular periods

• Acne

• Scalp hair thinning called alopecia

• Increased hair growth on the face and body

• Darkening/ called pigmentation of the skin around the neck. Called acanthosis nigricans

• Skin tags

• Difficulty losing weight

• Difficulty getting pregnant

  
  

The above features of PCOS are many, but the classic picture is a young woman who is overweight, does not have a regular monthly menstrual cycle but instead has irregular periods say every 3 or 4 months. When the periods come they are often very heavy.

She may also describe having increased acne on her face, and has noticed increased hair growth on the chin and upper lip which can be embarrassing.

But there can be other presentations.

The above clinical picture can also occur in a slim woman. There are women with PCOS who may only have severe acne and an ultrasound shows a polycystic appearance of the ovaries.

Other clinical scenarios might be PCOS women who have only erratic infrequent periods plus and an ultrasound showing polycystic ovaries or women with infrequent or no menstrual cycle, but have great skin we would all die for, and a blood test showing raised male hormones.

Over the past 30 years doctors and scientists have been debating about what the definition of this condition should be as it has such varying features. Now since 2003 in a conference in Rotterdam a new definition has been decided to give uniformity and lessen ambiguity, and it goes basically like this.

There are 3 criteria in the PCOS definition

• Your blood test confirms the presence of increased male hormones we call Androgens.

• You show clinical signs of increased male hormones – this means having signs such as acne, or increased hair growth on your face or body called hirsuitism.

• You have infrequent or no periods( i.e. menstrual bleeding), this indicates infrequent ovulation (releasing of the egg from your ovary)

• You have a pelvic ultrasound showing at least one ovary to have many small cysts. It has to be 12 or greater cysts

  
  

Now for you to have the diagnosis of PCOS – you need to have 2 of the above 3 criteria.

So how do you know if you really have this condition?

Well you would need to see your doctor or specialist for the diagnosis. They would listen to your story and ask specific questions related to your menstrual cycle and skin condition. They would also want to know if you were trying to get pregnant.

They may ask questions related to your family history, is there any one else with the same problem?

The doctor would organize further tests, and these are:

• A pelvic ultrasound looking specifically at the appearance of your ovaries to see if they had the classic cystic picture.

• A blood test to check hormones from your brain and ovaries

• Brain hormones: LH luteinising hormone, FSH follicle stimulating hormone

• Ovarian hormones: estradiol an estrogen

• Male hormones produced by the ovary: Testosterone, Androstenedione and free androgen index to see if they were raised above the normal levels.

• Associated  tests with the insulin receptor and weight/BMI

About The Author:

Dr Raewyn Teirney is one of Australia’s leading fertility specialists. Practicing in Sydney, Raewyn can be followed online at http://www.howtogetpregnantwithpcos.com/.
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